Featuring Sara Quin

I’ve been known to, on occasion, check my Twitter feed. I follow a lot of news organizations, so it fills up quicker then, well, you can fill in that blank.

But, I digress.

While I was browsing, my good friends (by “good friends” I mean people who I follow on Twitter) Tegan & Sara have alerted me (by “me” I mean everyone on Twitter) to Sara’s involvement in a new song by Theophilus London; Why Even Try. While the title is a bit of a downer, I remain optimistic that this song will be big.

You can legally download it here.

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Cats.

Don’t worry, I’m not going to bring up the musical. Rather, I’m talking about the latest and greatest viral video marketing campaign from IKEA.

It’s okay to snicker, I did too.

A couple Brits thought it would be a great idea to let 100 cats roam free(ish) around an IKEA after hours, sparking the entire cat-crazed Internet community – commonly referred to as “the Internet community” – to go nuts and Tweet about it to their hearts content. I’m guilty of this, too, but hey, I’m down with conformity as long as it involves cats and hex keys.

This video just screams gay trap to me. Remember that episode of Cougar Town where Andy gets gay trapped?

IKEA and most everything that has to do with cats can easily be made into a gay trap for lesbians.For example, let’s take this totally fictional scenario which has definitely never happened to me before:

Person A: “Hey, did you see that futon in this month’s IKEA catalog?”

Possible lesbian: “The red one or the floral print one?”

Person A: “Gay trap.”

Possible Confirmed lesbian: “Damn.”

Of course, I maintain that could happen to anyone, lots of people read IKEA catalogs, right? In order to refine one’s gay trapping skills, you have to incorporate at least two stereotypes, or just one obscure L Word reference, into your gay trap. Enter the IKEA commercial with cats. If the lady you’re trying to trap tells you she plans on hanging out near IKEAs after hours to, uh, cruise, I guess, then there’s really no room for interpretation.

Also, any reference made to this blog is, by default, a gay trap.

 

Brimming with video love

Country music is catchy, my dear deviants, catchier than, well, lets not go there. And as I have learned over my few but moderately-fruitful years on this earth; in order to take something catchy and make it accessible, you must market it to the horny masses and the gays.

The intersection of those two groups being lesbians. The horny masses love lesbians, just in case any of you have not yet suffered through a straight porno, I promise you, there will be lesbians, and it will be terrible. Please reconsider buying Milf Hunter: The Box Set (if that exists, I will laugh hysterically). And, on the gay end, lesbians are, technically gay, and hopefully hot for one another, so, just jump on board with my logic already so I can post a video, okay?

And for all of you who may dislike country music, but you like cleavage strengthening your vocabulary, I bring you this lovely Hot for Words installment:

Miriam Webster must be rolling around in her grave right now, doing nasty, nasty things.

What could be better? (NSFW)

Good afternoon, sexual deviants! I was checking my Twitter feed this fine day and I came across this lovely video clip. I’m keeping this short, because reading instead of watching is, really, and I mean really, a crime. I’d like to thank Lizzy the Lezzy (@lizzythelezzy) for the heads up. And the sexual frustration.

You’re welcome.

-Lauren.

I’ve got the sickness

Well, sexual deviants, I have finally succumbed to illness after months of health – a record for me. As I’m trying to leave the house as little as possible in anticipation for Jess’s Lady Gaga-themed birthday, I’ve had a lot of quality time with the Internet (though we have yet to make it to first base).

What have you found, Lauren?

Aw, shucks! Thanks for asking. Today I stumbled upon three dogs owning a police car. Well, actually, one of them was cherry picking – conformists, jeez.

But fear not, it hasn’t all been crazed dogs and LOLcats. As you all know, I’m all over Twittermy Hype Machine used to be all over my Twitter, until I loved songs at such a rate that people actually unfriended me from Facebook. So, if you’re not already stalking me on all of the above (you know I linked you above… and it’s terribly rude not to click), I have some music for you.

Bassnectar – Magical World feat. Nelly Furtado: I’ll admit I’m not exactly storming into the streets in support of drum & bass, but this song makes me at the very least want to make a sign. You know, just in case I do have to storm the streets. If you’re currently on drugs, this song is definitely for you. If you’re trying to give up drugs, maybe you should listen to this instead.

Angus and Julia Stone – Big Jet Plane: Break out your acoustic guitars and Google some tabs – this could be the simplest, most beautiful song I’ve heard in a while. Why the tabs and acoustic guitar? Sing it to your same-sex significant other – you’ll see. This song goes great paired with a full bodied red, cuddling under the stars, and short romantic strolls on the beach.

Lady Gaga – Telephone (Chew Fu Extended Fix) feat. Beyonce: I came to the realization yesterday that I am the kind-of-embarrassed owner of 14 Bad Romance remixes. Currently, I only have four Telephone remixes, so I feel as if maybe, just maybe, I’m getting my Gaga addiction under control. This song should be paired with absynth, glow sticks, Skins, and at least one person in rave pants and a mesh shirt (one nipple piercing recommended).

I have so much more for you later, so come on back now, ya hear?

Lauren