Ellen. On a boat. Singing.

What can I say? It’s our good friend (well, not personally, but you get what I’m saying) Ellen DeGeneres on a boat singing what I’m sure would have been a lovely tune had the circumstances been better. By circumstances, of course, I mean the overuse of auto tune.
Anyway, enjoy. More posts soon, deviants.
http://www.twitvid.com/embed.php?guid=OVBQH

What could be better? (NSFW)

Good afternoon, sexual deviants! I was checking my Twitter feed this fine day and I came across this lovely video clip. I’m keeping this short, because reading instead of watching is, really, and I mean really, a crime. I’d like to thank Lizzy the Lezzy (@lizzythelezzy) for the heads up. And the sexual frustration.

You’re welcome.

-Lauren.

I want to meet you on Chatroulette, sir

What do you get when you mix a man with an unfortunate goatee, a really addictive Lady Gaga song, a couple wigs and revealing bathing suits, and, oh yeah, an anonymous video chat service?

Perfection, that’s what.

Whoever you are, I love you, I salute you, and I am going to press next until I find you.

Also, someone fist pumps. What could be better?

Lauren.

I’ve got the sickness

Well, sexual deviants, I have finally succumbed to illness after months of health – a record for me. As I’m trying to leave the house as little as possible in anticipation for Jess’s Lady Gaga-themed birthday, I’ve had a lot of quality time with the Internet (though we have yet to make it to first base).

What have you found, Lauren?

Aw, shucks! Thanks for asking. Today I stumbled upon three dogs owning a police car. Well, actually, one of them was cherry picking – conformists, jeez.

But fear not, it hasn’t all been crazed dogs and LOLcats. As you all know, I’m all over Twittermy Hype Machine used to be all over my Twitter, until I loved songs at such a rate that people actually unfriended me from Facebook. So, if you’re not already stalking me on all of the above (you know I linked you above… and it’s terribly rude not to click), I have some music for you.

Bassnectar – Magical World feat. Nelly Furtado: I’ll admit I’m not exactly storming into the streets in support of drum & bass, but this song makes me at the very least want to make a sign. You know, just in case I do have to storm the streets. If you’re currently on drugs, this song is definitely for you. If you’re trying to give up drugs, maybe you should listen to this instead.

Angus and Julia Stone – Big Jet Plane: Break out your acoustic guitars and Google some tabs – this could be the simplest, most beautiful song I’ve heard in a while. Why the tabs and acoustic guitar? Sing it to your same-sex significant other – you’ll see. This song goes great paired with a full bodied red, cuddling under the stars, and short romantic strolls on the beach.

Lady Gaga – Telephone (Chew Fu Extended Fix) feat. Beyonce: I came to the realization yesterday that I am the kind-of-embarrassed owner of 14 Bad Romance remixes. Currently, I only have four Telephone remixes, so I feel as if maybe, just maybe, I’m getting my Gaga addiction under control. This song should be paired with absynth, glow sticks, Skins, and at least one person in rave pants and a mesh shirt (one nipple piercing recommended).

I have so much more for you later, so come on back now, ya hear?

Lauren

That’s Ridiculous(ly Funny)

I love a good gay marriage parody as much as the next flaming homosexual. Check out The Onion‘s video, “New Law Would Ban Marriages Between People Who Don’t Love Each Other.” Brilliant.

More increasingly inappropriate commentary later,

Lauren