Bisexuals vs Things which are Actually Embarrassing

ImageI’ll be the first to admin a slew of embarrassing things I’m fond of; I think One Direction songs are pretty darn catchy (So much so that I once tried to form an all-pastry chef cover band called One Confection. No one joined), I knit when I’m stressed, I almost exclusively clean my house to the Blackout album by Britney Spears (and I do it in heels, because I can), and I own a number of volumes of Carmen Electra’s Strip Tease, and one time I fell of a chair trying to do a number.

I openly admit to these things, even though I’m probably lame for doing them. But I do something else, something which I never thought to be particularly embarrassing, that, evidently, a large group of people are weary of – sometimes, I date bisexuals.

I’m not the patron saint of bisexual dating, because I used to be one the above people, and I’m here to apologize for being that way once upon a time.

Today I was catching up on an episode of Glee, and an interaction took place between Santana & Dani, in which Santana told her that her last relationship ended simply by saying “well, she was a bisexual.” No discussion afterwards, no eyebrows raised; that was the reason given.

If you are dating an openly bisexual person, and the relationship goes south, don’t say something like that. Don’t imply that their sexuality, which for the sake of this argument is one that both parties are aware of, ended the relationship. If a person leaves you for another person, well, that can be a heartbreaking situation, but if you say it’s because they’re bisexual, I immediately believe that you were the person in the wrong. If a bisexual person leaves you for a person of the opposite sex, I think that’s a perfectly natural thing. Don’t call them something terrible because of it.

I suppose what I’m trying to say is that we all need to be bigger people when we open our mouths, whether we’re hurting or not. And, furthermore, try to understand the person that you’re with, if you don’t, it’ll never work – no matter who or what they are, and you’ll learn the hard way like me.

I once dated someone, a very lovely, adorable, wildly attractive person a long time ago. When we started getting together, she was with a lovely, albeit awkward, sports-minded (and not the sports I most enjoy, namely polo, cycling, and badminton) gentleman who she eventually left for me. We had a fantastic time together, and I’m both pleased and disheartened to say I’ve grown so much since them, because while I tend to think of myself as a generally rather accepting person, I was not when it ended with them. You see, when she left her boyfriend, I convinced myself that I’d not only beaten him, but all men – at that particular period in time, I suppose I had. But when it ended, I was one of the people that turned around and said things about them being a bisexual, and I thought that was okay, because everyone laughed, or nodded, or what have you. The same people that helped me after that relationship ended up shaping the way I spoke about bisexual people, and I spoke that way until I was corrected during an unfortunate circumstance.

Since then, I’ve dated, fallen in love with, and seen a number of bisexual people, and I can safely say I don’t particularly care about the gender of who they’re with now. I can say this because I’m sure they’re not going in to the relationship with this other person because of me, possibly the exact opposite, actually. “I’m dating you because once I dated Lauren!” is not an interaction I imagine people have often, or ever, with their new love interest, because who I am, and my sexuality, has absolutely no bearing on theirs.

Now, let’s bring this back to the apology portion I mentioned above. I am sorry. I’m sorry for every time I made you out to be only your sexuality. I’m sorry for whipping my head around when someone yells “faggot” or “dyke” or “tranny”, but not when someone says something derogatory about bisexuals. And I’m sorry for not always being an ally in the past. I hope you’ll read this and accept my apology, even if you don’t sympathize with my actions, reactions, and inactions above. And if you’re reading this, and we were together and I said or did something to hurt you, I am deeply sorry.


Hello, again (…again)

NOW Magazine, Pride, PrideTO, Toronto Pride, Lauren Pettigrew, Lauren Pettigrew Online, Judy Virago, Gay, Model

Oh, hi – I didn’t see you there

In the absence of counseling sessions available to myself and all of you, due largely to space and lack of interest from the counselor community (who knew?), I’ve decided to try and reconcile our differences the old fashioned way – by writing about it blindly on the internet.

You’re probably wondering a couple of things right now – where have I been? why haven’t I called? when are we all going to get together and snapchat inappropriate photos of ourselves to eachother? I will answer each one in due time.

Since I last wrote you I’ve become a workaholic; making pastries, taking photos, generally neglecting anything in my life that doesn’t call more than 3 times in a row or supply me with the cash monies. What I’m trying to say, clearly, is pay up.

I’m kidding, kind of. But my work really has consumed me for the past two years, and I don’t think it’s particularly a bad thing. I’m a sometimes-mature grown up these days, and it’s nice, even if I do now live in a concrete-walled yuppie loft… There’s reliable air conditioning and this is my view of the city, so, I can’t complain, see!

Lauren Pettigrew, Lauren Pettigrew Online, Toronto, Canada, CN TowerWhen I haven’t been busy with my pastries, I’m really enjoying the modelling aspect of my life. Most recently, I was on the cover of NOW Magazine’s Pride Issue – apparently I’m now gay famous. Or Judy’s gay famous and I piggy backed her, and she piggy backed my genderless modelling street cred – it’s still being contested in certain circles. Before that I was flown down to Orlando for runway work last month, and it’s just photo shoot central over here. Tough life, right?

I can’t at this moment recall what else I have for you. So I’ll just have to update you as I go. Good session, kids. Same time next week?

Gay&Gorgeous: Freja Beha Erichsen

Freja Beha Erichsen

Freja Beha Erichsen

(Gay&Gorgeous is an all photo segment profiling the most beautiful gays I know in three pictures. Check back every Monday for another post.)

Thanks, Gawker. Now no one will go to college.

I was checking my Twitter feed earlier today when I came across an article which told me that women don’t always sleep with other women in college! It was heart breaking, to say the least. I mean, that’s the only reason I went to college – the possibility of lesbians have sex was worth the tuition alone.

But to find out that not so many people are having lesbian sex? After paying tens of thousands of dollars (literally)? I’m hurt.

Check out Gawker here. They’ve got the whole, deal breaking, college drop out line-forming list here.

Featuring Sara Quin

I’ve been known to, on occasion, check my Twitter feed. I follow a lot of news organizations, so it fills up quicker then, well, you can fill in that blank.

But, I digress.

While I was browsing, my good friends (by “good friends” I mean people who I follow on Twitter) Tegan & Sara have alerted me (by “me” I mean everyone on Twitter) to Sara’s involvement in a new song by Theophilus London; Why Even Try. While the title is a bit of a downer, I remain optimistic that this song will be big.

You can legally download it here.

Ellen. On a boat. Singing.

What can I say? It’s our good friend (well, not personally, but you get what I’m saying) Ellen DeGeneres on a boat singing what I’m sure would have been a lovely tune had the circumstances been better. By circumstances, of course, I mean the overuse of auto tune.
Anyway, enjoy. More posts soon, deviants.

Let’s talk Craigslist.

Lauren Pettigrew Online - Craigslist Hot Women


Craigslist. I know you troll it, in fact, you’re probably trolling it right now. Personally, I have a nasty habid of looking through missed connections, especially when I know there’s no chance of me being there (see vacations, scrabble tournaments). While I was browsing through the posts of people other than myself, who are looking for people, again, other than myself, I’ve noticed a disturbing trend.

Let me set this up properly; let’s say you’re in the middle of adopting five disabled kittens and you see a girl, you make lasting eye contact but never speak. What do you post on missed connections?

First, are you in Women seeking Women?

Good. That will probably help you to find who you’re looking for with more precision.

Now, here comes the tricky part. How do you reconnect with this woman?

Was your answer write obscure, vaguely-sexual poetry, or nothing of substance at all? Well, this post is for you, then.

How does anyone expect to find someone when you post something like this? Moreover, even if you aren’t looking to find someone, and merely purvey a message, you can’t tell me someone is reading this saying “oh my, she really does love me!”

This poster was, unfortunately, looking for me. I can tell because the last time I went on a date we ate a meal compromising of, among other things, the things that she had listed. Coincidence? I think not. Do you know how hard it is to candy coat a butterfly? It’s hard. And thus, it’s romantic.

I don’t mean to be ripping on people who try to find people through Craigslist, not at all. I do, however, mean to rip on people who are wasting my valuable lurking time. Like this lovely girl:

Lauren Pettigrew Online - Bad at Craigslist

This post above, as you can clearly see, was about me. Anyone that knows me knows I get weak in the knees for a stand alone ellipsis. In fact, I’m weak in the knees right now just thinking about it. Oh, mysterious poster, could you be the one? Could you be trying to find me? How could you possibly know me so well as to know one of my mortal weaknesses is grammar. Comment with a properly executed Oxford comma, baby.

But seriously, ladies, it’s hard enough to find someone you have a real connection with. If you think that the connection was so strong that you must resort to Craigslist to find that person, well, don’t waste your post. Unless you’re trying to lure me in with that Oxford comma – I’ll be lurking, stranger.