That’s Ridiculous(ly Funny)

I love a good gay marriage parody as much as the next flaming homosexual. Check out The Onion‘s video, “New Law Would Ban Marriages Between People Who Don’t Love Each Other.” Brilliant.

More increasingly inappropriate commentary later,

Lauren

Commentators Gone Wild – Sandy Rios

I broke a promise, sexual deviants. I said I would be back the other day with Shiloh gossip, but instead I went out for St. Patrick’s day and got drunk off my ass. It was silly of me to promise you a second post on one of my favourite holidays, but I’m making up for it now with the closest thing to sexual favours I can give you – a really raunchy post about, uh, something. Just keep reading.

I know you’re all too busy to troll the internet for all things gay – hell, even I am. But I’ve prioritized “sleep” with “Google, PopUrls & coffee,” so I have the upper hand. I find things that aren’t even remotely gay, of course, like what seems to be the cast of Wayne’s World on Google Street View. I find things which, are, admittedly, kind of gay – in an Irish-family-band-singing-about-tequlia sort of way. Occassionally, I do actually come by something that is relevant, or that I could spin into something relevant-ish.

Today, I stumbled upon something totally relevant and infuriating – her name is Sandy Rios, and I know I don’t bring out the douche label often, but this lady deserves a big one. Who is Sandy Rios, you may ask. Well, you don’t want to know her, but a quick Wikipedia glance will tell you that she’s the President of Culture Campaign. An organization which, after another Wikipedia glance, is essentially based around Christian commentary of American culture – joy! Oh, and she’s a Fox News Contributor.

Check out what she has to say about Lady Gaga’s new video, “Telephone”:

Douche-worthy, right?

Well, the good people over at Idolator put together a list of her top three most ridiculous quotes with commentary. Here’s one of my favourites:

Crazy Lady Quote #3: “Our world is filled with sexual predators… they’ve done surveys to find out the men who do these kinds of things to young girls, something like 85% of them, are involved in some kind of porn. You may not watch it, your kids may not watch it, but the man next door who is a sexual predator probably does watch it. It should be outlawed. It should be banned. There is a limit to what we should tolerate.”

Idolator Counterpoint: Who, praytell, is the “they” who have done these alleged “surveys”? Rios doesn’t make it clear, either because such surveys do not exist or she is spreading inaccurate information. And since when does a sexual predator get all his ideas from Lady Gaga videos? We certainly would be able to pick them apart in a crowd easier if all sexual predators donned Kermit the Frog capes and bubble suits.

Have a good day, and remember, it’s not your fault you’re perverted – it’s Gaga’s. And I, for one, am totally fine with that.

Lauren.

Attack of the lesbian babymakers.

Well, sexual deviants, it seems like the world is still in turmoil. Thankfully, I, your faithful blogger, remain optimistic. Here’s a quick rundown of what I’ve discovered this week.

We’re all going to get pregnant!

And just when you thought you were safe...

Yes indeed, deviants. We all need to start sleeping with one eye open and both legs closed – because, well, we’re a bunch of baby makers, apparently. The article goes on to say that we get pregnant because we’re closeted. Though, as someone who isn’t closeted and knows a thing or two about the community, one will note that there are lesbians with babies everywhere. Having a baby no longer brings you up a notch on the heteronormative ladder, so, closet cases my advice to you is get a new strategy.

I believe the lipstick lesbian cover to be the best cover of all, as it would seem that straight people don’t think that these mythical creatures exist – kind of like unicorns, or good cell phone plans. Get yourself a purse dog, some makeup, and a big purse to put the aforementioned items plus whatever else you may possibly need inside. You’ll be fine.

nataliedee.com

Like this, only bigger, and with more lipstick. (NatalieDee.com)

Okay, so there’s one crisis down. Check back later today for some Shiloh gossip, the high possibility of self deprecation, and embedded links that actually correspond with the text (okay, so that one’s a long shot).

Lauren.

The Gay Agenda: Iowa

In these tough economic times, I suggest opening a U-Haul dealership in Iowa. Trust me.

In these tough economic times, I suggest opening a U-Haul dealership in Iowa. Trust me.

Today, Iowa has unanimously ruled that the ban on same sex marriage is unconstitutional. This makes Iowa the third state to legalize gay marriage (permanently), how exciting!

 

Plus, as Queers United tells me, Iowa does not need couples married in the state to be actual state residents. Who would have thought the gays would be road tripping to Iowa, that’s the midwest, people, to get hitched before going to California or New York? Not I.

This, of course, is never a set in stone thing; and the earliest repeal of the right of gays to equal human rights, ahem, marry could be appealed in 2012. Didn’t mean to put a damper on that one, just keeping it real, unfortunately.

Read all about it:

The Atlantic

US News

The New York Times

Reggie Does Archie

I already know you’re gay (again, except for the Sirois clan), but if you’re in Montreal, I have news for you. What are you doing at 8:00 pm, say, tonight? 

Buying you drinks, Lauren!

‘Atta girl! Tonight is Reggie does Archie at Reggie’s bar… it’s another one of those crazy gender-bender parties that those gays do. But this time it’s with a twist, Reggie’s is not a gay bar (although a campus gay bar should be on the agenda for the CSU), so we’re taking it over. If you plan on coming, leave your hetero-normative facade at the door; a) because I don’t like to have to read too far into people, b) because you could be very good looking and I have a strict no straight girls thing going on, c) “everyone else is doing it, you’ll be a loser if you don’t.”

So come out tonight, I’ll be there. Bad coming out pun intended.