As per usual, I am going to be sketchy with relationship details. Why? Self-preservation, of course. And I know you all only read this blog because you want us to be together forever (with the exception of the Sirois clan), so I don’t want to let anyone down. I know these posts are annoying, but at least they make me feel a little less like I’m lying to you; I’m keeping you in the loop, just not every gripping detail.
Women make me crazy sometimes. I can say sometimes with quite a degree of certainty, as women never come to me in ones. No, they all, somehow, become attracted to me at the exact same time, and it’s frustrating. Why can’t they just, you know, spread out? If you are into me right now, let’s schedule something.
Coffee two months from now? Fantastic.
Again, as per usual, I have fallen in love with the most unattainable person possible. Now, I may have been a little rash with that comment; I did not fall in love with a gay man, nor did I fall for a straight woman, so there is (technically, but I’ll get to that) hope. I am used to falling for the unattainables, I don’t know why that is, and I really wish I did so I could, you know, stop it. But I have never fallen for an unattainable who fell for me too.
“Wait, how are they unattainable if they’re presumably a gay lady, who happens to have fallen for you?”
Good question. First, yes, she’s bi. Second, there are complications. But it is so weird loving someone before you date them. I should be used to it, I suppose, but still, so weird. I have lost my appetite. I barely sleep. And sometimes I can’t stand to be within two metres of her, not because I dislike her, but more so because I don’t trust myself.
Anyways, I’m in love. But it would seem the gay cupid, who I presume looks a lot like Portia de Rossi naked, strikes not with a single arrow, but with a slew of them, all at once, and conveniently places me in a room with all the people at the same time. Thanks, Portia de Rossi lookalike. I have too many women, and I don’t want to get with any of them, because I’m in love with someone else.
It’s a predicament. I wish my appetite would come back… it would seem love is best suited for those who can fast for prolonged periods of time. Or for those who choose drama-free mates. I am neither of those.