Oh, hi – I didn’t see you there
In the absence of counseling sessions available to myself and all of you, due largely to space and lack of interest from the counselor community (who knew?), I’ve decided to try and reconcile our differences the old fashioned way – by writing about it blindly on the internet.
You’re probably wondering a couple of things right now – where have I been? why haven’t I called? when are we all going to get together and snapchat inappropriate photos of ourselves to eachother? I will answer each one in due time.
Since I last wrote you I’ve become a workaholic; making pastries, taking photos, generally neglecting anything in my life that doesn’t call more than 3 times in a row or supply me with the cash monies. What I’m trying to say, clearly, is pay up.
I’m kidding, kind of. But my work really has consumed me for the past two years, and I don’t think it’s particularly a bad thing. I’m a sometimes-mature grown up these days, and it’s nice, even if I do now live in a concrete-walled yuppie loft… There’s reliable air conditioning and this is my view of the city, so, I can’t complain, see!
When I haven’t been busy with my pastries, I’m really enjoying the modelling aspect of my life. Most recently, I was on the cover of NOW Magazine’s Pride Issue – apparently I’m now gay famous. Or Judy’s gay famous and I piggy backed her, and she piggy backed my genderless modelling street cred – it’s still being contested in certain circles. Before that I was flown down to Orlando for runway work last month, and it’s just photo shoot central over here. Tough life, right?
I can’t at this moment recall what else I have for you. So I’ll just have to update you as I go. Good session, kids. Same time next week?
This is really all the pertinent information I have for you right now, Gleeks. But when I know (which hopefully won’t be last), you’ll know.
Speculate away. Program your DVRs in advance if you’re so inclined. Personally, I’m going to practice taking screen shots…
"Totally Unautherized Maddow Seal of Approval"
What can I say? It’s our good friend (well, not personally, but you get what I’m saying) Ellen DeGeneres on a boat singing what I’m sure would have been a lovely tune had the circumstances been better. By circumstances, of course, I mean the overuse of auto tune.
Anyway, enjoy. More posts soon, deviants.
Boobs: the gift that keeps on giving, right?
I know you’re nodding, so I’m just going to assume that, for once, everyone reading this is in agreeance. Since it is still December, and that means non-denominational holiday season is just around the corner, it’s always good to have a gift in your back pocket which you can give to, well, anyone (with the exception of parents, that is… but if you can pull that one off, more power to you!).
The Keep A Breast Foundation is a non-profit organization trying to stop breast cancer through prevention and information. Sounds pretty good right? Because less breast cancer means more boobs, and that’s something everyone can get down with – even gay men can’t deny that a night out with a fag hag is just not the same until somebody gets motor boated. And what do you need to motor boat? Boobs.
I sense a common theme emerging.
You can buy all the “I (heart) Boobies” merchandise you want right here.
Don’t worry, I’m not going to bring up the musical. Rather, I’m talking about the latest and greatest viral video marketing campaign from IKEA.
It’s okay to snicker, I did too.
A couple Brits thought it would be a great idea to let 100 cats roam free(ish) around an IKEA after hours, sparking the entire cat-crazed Internet community – commonly referred to as “the Internet community” – to go nuts and Tweet about it to their hearts content. I’m guilty of this, too, but hey, I’m down with conformity as long as it involves cats and hex keys.
This video just screams gay trap to me. Remember that episode of Cougar Town where Andy gets gay trapped?
IKEA and most everything that has to do with cats can easily be made into a gay trap for lesbians.For example, let’s take this totally fictional scenario which has definitely never happened to me before:
Person A: “Hey, did you see that futon in this month’s IKEA catalog?”
Possible lesbian: “The red one or the floral print one?”
Person A: “Gay trap.”
Possible Confirmed lesbian: “Damn.”
Of course, I maintain that could happen to anyone, lots of people read IKEA catalogs, right? In order to refine one’s gay trapping skills, you have to incorporate at least two stereotypes, or just one obscure L Word reference, into your gay trap. Enter the IKEA commercial with cats. If the lady you’re trying to trap tells you she plans on hanging out near IKEAs after hours to, uh, cruise, I guess, then there’s really no room for interpretation.
Also, any reference made to this blog is, by default, a gay trap.
I would call this an announcement, but really, it’s just me affirming the obvious.
Let’s back track for a second here, deviants. What could I possibly be talking about? Rachel Maddow, of course! Everyone that knows me knows that I have a little thing for her – I have a thing for sexy brains, alright? And today while I was catching up on my Twitter feed, Dorothy Snarker alerted me (and by me I mean the entire Twitter-using population) to this photo of a young Rachel Maddow:
Riddle me this, deviants; who is not hot for Rachel Maddow now? I mean, really. Now, I’m unsure of who leaked this photo, or if it was just some very crafty left-thinking Photoshop wizard set on distracting the entire lesbian community from something (oh, the mystery of it all!), but I would like to shake that person’s hand, if you know what I mean.
By that I meant shake their hand by the way, just because you have access to a class picture of Rachel Maddow doesn’t necessarily mean you’re cool – you’re only cool when you repost that picture on your blog, or something.
ps – while I was looking for things to link to, I came across this Rachel Maddow jack-o-lantern. FTW, deviants, FTW.