I awoke this morning, which is rare because I have recently abandonned the early-riser thing, only to realise the lesbian community is in collapse. How do I know this, you may ask. Well, my RSS feeds were baron, and I subscribe to AfterEllen; thus, the apocalypse.
I did make numerous futile attempts to do things on AfterEllen other than watch Padma eat a bacon cheeseburger. I updated my profile, I even lurked message boards, and it’s a sad state of affairs when I lurk message boards. Why? Mostly because I cannot stand Internet speak; one exclamation part is enough, most often one is too many. “LOLS” does not stand for anything. I do not wear “soxerz”, so I do not comprehend how someone could “roxerz” the “soxerz” in question. I am just not cut out for message boards.
I did stumble upon something interesting though, in the form of a vlog called Alexi’s Closet; it was a traumatizing experience. Alexi, the owner of the closet (and presumably its contents) gives fashion advice to lesbians via AfterEllen. In light of the fact that I posted a fashion no-no’s blog earlier, I feel as if I must comment on this vlog. I am by no means a fashion expert, designer, rarely do I consider myself a fashionista-of-sorts (although I have been told I dress nicely…). The only credit I have to my name fashion-wise right now is the fact that I have a pair of functioning eyes (when paired with glasses), and apparently, that is all one needs.
Before I go on to Alexi’s Closet, I would like to say that Jesse and I went shopping yesterday, only to scurry to Holt Renfrew for salvation. Upon walking into Levi’s, we were greeted by the horrors of white, really wide flare bell bottoms, and tacky belts. Bell bottoms. White bell bottoms. First, no AfterEllen posts, second, bell bottoms?! Ready your tinfoil hats.
Back to Alexi’s Closet (you may want to keep your tinfoil hat on for this), she was giving fashion advice for people going to Dinah. This I totally sanction, Dinah is a wonderful place, and once I age to perfection, or the legal drinking age in the States, I will be there, and I want to see hot, well dressed, women. But rhinestone-encrusted jean skirts? Short, black, jean shorts? Tacky tops with “built in accessories!”? No. You might as well pick up a pair of Levi’s white super flared bell bottoms, honey. Who does this woman think she is? Why does she have such a bad haircut? And how is it that she can tell women what to wear while I can just scoff?
Lades, I am going to make my own lesbian fashion vlog.
a) I have eyes which function properly in tandem with my glasses
b) I already have a YouTube channel and I don’t post videos often enough
c) I cannot sit idly by and have this woman conceivably ruin Dinah for me in the future
d) I want an AfterEllen vlog.