I’ve got the sickness

Well, sexual deviants, I have finally succumbed to illness after months of health – a record for me. As I’m trying to leave the house as little as possible in anticipation for Jess’s Lady Gaga-themed birthday, I’ve had a lot of quality time with the Internet (though we have yet to make it to first base).

What have you found, Lauren?

Aw, shucks! Thanks for asking. Today I stumbled upon three dogs owning a police car. Well, actually, one of them was cherry picking – conformists, jeez.

But fear not, it hasn’t all been crazed dogs and LOLcats. As you all know, I’m all over Twittermy Hype Machine used to be all over my Twitter, until I loved songs at such a rate that people actually unfriended me from Facebook. So, if you’re not already stalking me on all of the above (you know I linked you above… and it’s terribly rude not to click), I have some music for you.

Bassnectar – Magical World feat. Nelly Furtado: I’ll admit I’m not exactly storming into the streets in support of drum & bass, but this song makes me at the very least want to make a sign. You know, just in case I do have to storm the streets. If you’re currently on drugs, this song is definitely for you. If you’re trying to give up drugs, maybe you should listen to this instead.

Angus and Julia Stone – Big Jet Plane: Break out your acoustic guitars and Google some tabs – this could be the simplest, most beautiful song I’ve heard in a while. Why the tabs and acoustic guitar? Sing it to your same-sex significant other – you’ll see. This song goes great paired with a full bodied red, cuddling under the stars, and short romantic strolls on the beach.

Lady Gaga – Telephone (Chew Fu Extended Fix) feat. Beyonce: I came to the realization yesterday that I am the kind-of-embarrassed owner of 14 Bad Romance remixes. Currently, I only have four Telephone remixes, so I feel as if maybe, just maybe, I’m getting my Gaga addiction under control. This song should be paired with absynth, glow sticks, Skins, and at least one person in rave pants and a mesh shirt (one nipple piercing recommended).

I have so much more for you later, so come on back now, ya hear?



I may be confusing

At least that’s what Facebook tells me. You see, today while I was updating my phone number, I also updated my gender… kind of. You see, the gender with which I identify (neither solely male or female) was offered to me, so I just left it blank, apparently that wasn’t the thing to do.

I then received this lovely message on my News Feed telling me that I may be confusing people:


"No gender on Lauren's Facebook?! I'm so confused about life!"

Now, this to me is funny. Being someone of the genderqueer variety actually does confuse people, at least that is the look they give me when I notify them of the fact. So not only is this notice ignorant, it could also be seen as offensive. Thankfully for Facebook, I run a little blog that I’m sure no administrators read – though that last post about Tila coming out on Twitter was pretty darn good – so I don’t think they’ll be offended by the confusing sarcastic person any time soon.

The Internet thinks of me in a very odd light, I think. Facebook is confused by me, and I am confused, in turn by YouTube and their video suggestions… why do they think I want a Snuggie so badly? Maybe the Snuggie comes in gender neutral, so I can confuse people! Now that, would be sweet.

Regular posts coming back soon, thank you for being so patient… or distracting yourself the only way a sexual deviant knows how – knitting your own non-corporate Snuggie snugly blanket with arm holes, or course!


25 things

When I was younger, chain letters were all the rage. Don’t pretend like you don’t remember them either; if you don’t send this to x-amount of people in y-amount of time, a dead girl will kill you in your sleep!

Yes, it was quite the eventful childhood. But now that I’m older, and now that my email actually gives a hint or two about who I am (not that I wasn’t a funky monkey in the 5th grade, I’m sure I was), I thought I was rid of the chain letters in question.

To a point, I am. But recently I’ve been sucked into Facebook’s equivalent of the “dead girl going to kill you!” chain letters; I’m talking about 25 things

51 things swept YouTube, so I kind of saw this coming. The only part about 25 things that surprised me was that I actually did it. When I’d finished, I even wanted to write more. Perhaps more surprising than the fact that I’m shamelessly self indulgent, is that 25 things could become a really bad thing in terms of my emotional well being.

I am a person who reads in between the lines. Taking too long to respond to me on some form of messenger? I’m reading into it. Start typing, stop typing, delete, start again, repeat if necessary? I’m reading into it. And if one of my friends, friends+, etc, writes one of these, I always think that I’ll be in there somewhere. It’s not because I’m neurotic, nor is it because I’m looking for attention, I just think people do the same things I do. And I write a whole lot in between the lines.

I’ll do you all one better, or one worse, I’ll post my 25 things. You can read them, you can disregard them, you can unsubscribe on RSS… but I’m posting them none the less.

…Because I’m all about full disclosure(-ish).

Once you’ve been tagged, you are supposed to write a note with 25 random things, facts, habits, or goals about you. At the end, choose 25 people to be tagged. You have to tag the person who tagged you.

1. I only own one turntable, and I deeply resent the fact that I have yet to pick up another

2. When I bought my ukulele, I asked if they came in rainbow. Disappointed, I went with orange.

3. I used to selectively scrobble my music on Last.Fm, recently, I’ve given up. 

4. Britney Spears makes for prime apartment-cleaning music.

5. If I were a boy, my name might just be Tempeh.

6. Ever since Christmas break, I have adopted a strict no-more-Passion-Flakeys policy, and it’s working out quite well.

7. I’m becoming a gym rat, and I’m happy about it.

8. Half the traffic on my blog most likely comes from relatives of Christine Sirois. By the looks of things, she has a big family (what a shameless plug?).

9. I only offer tech support to people I like, and I tell people I don’t like that I have no idea what could be wrong.

10. After writing that last one, I’m kind of feeling guilty.

11. I miss baking, and when I finish this list, I’m going to make banana bread… just like the good old days!

12. I have a thing for people, anyone, really, in drag.

13. I’m happy Shane and Jenny are hooking up.

14. I love bicycles a little bit too much.

15. I really want an arts studio, but I fear if I get one, something bad will happen.

16. I love photographing people, but 99% of the time I’m too shy to ask them if I can.

17. I stopped cooking with jalepeno peppers only after I kept rubbing my eyes. (…I wasn’t really allergic to your cat)

18. I am a serial procrastinator, but I maintain that it’s because I do my best work under pressure.

19. I don’t watch enough movies, and I feel lost when people talk about film.

20. I like listening to music that other people aren’t listening to, and I compete with Raimy to find bands first (even though she doesn’t know it).

21. Winter makes me miss the rain.

22. When I was 14, I watched a whole lot of really obscure porn. My mom found out, and things were awkward from that point until I got my own computer.

23. Sometimes, I really want to be a stand up comedian. 

24. I’m not in a relationship, and that’s not because I fear commitment; it’s more that I fear that I’ll commit to someone who can’t reciprocate.

25. I’m tagging people which already tagged me, but in my defense, the rules weren’t very specific.