Craigslist. I know you troll it, in fact, you’re probably trolling it right now. Personally, I have a nasty habid of looking through missed connections, especially when I know there’s no chance of me being there (see vacations, scrabble tournaments). While I was browsing through the posts of people other than myself, who are looking for people, again, other than myself, I’ve noticed a disturbing trend.
Let me set this up properly; let’s say you’re in the middle of adopting five disabled kittens and you see a girl, you make lasting eye contact but never speak. What do you post on missed connections?
First, are you in Women seeking Women?
Good. That will probably help you to find who you’re looking for with more precision.
Now, here comes the tricky part. How do you reconnect with this woman?
Was your answer write obscure, vaguely-sexual poetry, or nothing of substance at all? Well, this post is for you, then.
How does anyone expect to find someone when you post something like this? Moreover, even if you aren’t looking to find someone, and merely purvey a message, you can’t tell me someone is reading this saying “oh my, she really does love me!”
This poster was, unfortunately, looking for me. I can tell because the last time I went on a date we ate a meal compromising of, among other things, the things that she had listed. Coincidence? I think not. Do you know how hard it is to candy coat a butterfly? It’s hard. And thus, it’s romantic.
I don’t mean to be ripping on people who try to find people through Craigslist, not at all. I do, however, mean to rip on people who are wasting my valuable lurking time. Like this lovely girl:
This post above, as you can clearly see, was about me. Anyone that knows me knows I get weak in the knees for a stand alone ellipsis. In fact, I’m weak in the knees right now just thinking about it. Oh, mysterious poster, could you be the one? Could you be trying to find me? How could you possibly know me so well as to know one of my mortal weaknesses is grammar. Comment with a properly executed Oxford comma, baby.
But seriously, ladies, it’s hard enough to find someone you have a real connection with. If you think that the connection was so strong that you must resort to Craigslist to find that person, well, don’t waste your post. Unless you’re trying to lure me in with that Oxford comma – I’ll be lurking, stranger.