Tila’s a lesbian… Twitter told me so.


Tila Tequila Lesbian

Just to clarify, I am not the "mama" in question...


I’m still sick, fellow sexual deviants, but I could not let this one slip through your fingers (pending they aren’t already in inappropriate places)… My good friend (and by “good friend” I am using the, uh, say-someone’s-your-good-friend-because-you-love-their-blog-in-hopes-they-love-you-back meaning) StuntDouble over at AfterEllen has taken Tila Tequila’s official-ish (does Twitter count as official?) coming out to a whole new level…

Here’s a couple exerpts, though you can read the whole post here!


Current continues gay streak

I have more videos for you from Current… okay, so Target Women hasn’t come up on my feed yet, but I will remain patient. If it doesn’t show up soon though, I’ll be the one sitting in the corner with the tinfoil hat. Anyways, let’s take a look at this batch. We have:

Trans rights in Thailand

Jerusalem Pride

And finally, Coming Out Mormon

Now, I’m not really sure what’s going on with the underlying themes in Current TV land this week… it’s seems to be gays and barrier reefs, maybe someone can fill me in on the connection?

She’s gay, I promise.

Oh Clementine Ford, you have put me on such an emotional roller coaster with this whole ordeal.

Is she gay?


Wait, just kidding, she never said that.

Wait, again, hold on, she is gay, she just didn’t want to be outed when she didn’t say specifically that she was gay.

Oh, I see now.

Yes, it seems that she was upset over the whole DIVA ordeal, because they outed her (kind of) without her actually saying anything. Then, just to recap, she told TV Guide that she never came out. I then blogged about it, and clearly the entire lesbian community reads this blog, thus, outrage ensued. Now, she sat down with The Advocate and says “I am gay.” That to me seems very solid… especially the part about the whole lesbian community reading my blog. All kidding aside, she’s gay.

“Look, I am gay, and I just wanted there not to be this big emphasis on it.”

-Ford to The Advocate

I am thoroughly impressed with Clementine Ford (as almost always), and I’m really happy to see that she’s out. I’m most excited for the fact that now she’s a very newsworthy person and no longer “the-chick-who-came-out-but-not-really-then-got-mad-but-was-on-The-L-Word-and-we-were-all-jealous-of-her-being-with-Kate-Moennig”, which is of course how she is commonly referred to, sometimes shortened to “TCWCOBTRTGMBWOTLWAWWAJOHBWKM”; only a couple more letters than LGBTQ. I am also excited to post hot pictures of her on my blog now for no apparent reason. 

Don’t you just love excessive gay celebrity coverage? Because I do.

Clementine Ford, you homo, you.

So, I was just browsing Girlfriend is a Homo, only to find that they’ve just (and by “just” I’m talking half an hour ago… I’m so up to date) posted a bit about Clementine Ford coming out. 

Hubba-da, hubba-da, I know.

Apparently, she did a bit of tell all for Diva’s March issue. And I will tell you this, the whole community is raving (by whole community I mean AfterEllen and blogs which troll AfterEllen, clearly). We all remember Clementine from the L Word; she played Molly, Phyllis’s straight and sassy daughter (yes, straight and sassy), who falls for Shane.

But on a more serious note, I would like to say that I think it’s very admirable of her to come out as a woman in the public spotlight, and I support her decision fully.

On a less serious note, you know how we joke about accepting one chick, and trying to give someone else back to the straight world? Open arms, Clementine, open arms.

The “l bomb”


The pink is subtle, right?

The pink is subtle, right?

Recently, I’ve come to realize that I think a little bit too highly of myself. This life that I live, that I’ve become accustomed to, well it seems like it can’t be packed up in boxes and moved with me. I guess I’m going through a lot right now, on a personal level. I’ve realized that I’m so out when I meet new people, I don’t need to know you to tell you who I am and who I love. But it seems like the people I’ve known all my life, my old friends, old acquaintances, old anything, anything that comes back into my life from the past, well, it used to be hard for me to tell them. Because with old friends, you have to wait for the right moment.

I’ve realized, though, that I was afraid for nothing. If my friends don’t like me anymore because now they know I’m gay, well fuck them. That seems to be my new lease on life. I’m tired of my homophobic mother shooting down everything I stand for and then expecting me to call her like it’s all okay. I’m tired of people saying “that’s so gay” and acting like that’s alright. And I am so tired, so so very tired, of selectively hiding. So, I’m not hiding anymore. I think this is a big step  for me, but it’s necessary. And I love everyone who is not phased by who I date, I love them dearly.

(First posted: 26/08/08)

TMI (that you always wanted to know)

I know, I know. Two posts in one day, I really have to stop doing this. But, I just feel connected today, and to be honest, usually I don’t feel a thing. I’ve been nursing my leg back to working order today, and I’ve been spending so much time with myself recently, that well, there’s been a lot of time for me to think things over. This isn’t my coming out story, this is my coming out dilemma. Actually, I don’t know what this is going to be, so if you want to stop reading now, I won’t hold it against you.

    The first person I ever loved was Alice, I knew I loved her because she became my entire world. It sounds silly, because she was my first best friend, too. I was 3, she was too, our mothers met somehow and we had play dates set up. I knew her for 4 years, and she was the only person in the world to me at that time. Back then, I never could put two and two together. For me, it wasn’t I like girls it was I like this girl. And that was how I thought for a while. A lot of girls have come into my life since her, and yet it was still hard for me to put it all together.

    It was Becky in 3rd grade, it was Catherine, it was these people, and more that made me enjoy life all that much more. Catherine was a serious friend, we would go for long walks, and talk for hours. I fell madly in love with her in the 6th grade. She used to sit really close to me, and I would stop listening to her at times just to ponder what would happen if I were to kiss her. At that point, she was just a girl that I liked. I mean, lots of girls like their friends? 

    For a short period of time, I was in love with Dani. She was the first girl who I had a gut feeling liked me back, you know, that way. We were touchy-feely, and while she was terribly self conscious and a little bit immature, I fell in love with her quirks. She would sit in my lap, and play with my hair, and rest her body against me as I held her. At night we would laugh, and laugh, and she would fall asleep in my arms. Her and I drifted apart after a while. I think that we were both drowning in what ifs and we couldn’t even talk about it to one another for fear we’d scare the other away. After Dani, Ellie came into my life. I knew her through Dani, and we all became friends. But Ellie, Ellie is beautiful. Ellie was the first girl I ever seriously kissed. Followed two seconds later by Dani, mind you. But the first girl I kissed none the less. We were polar opposites, but we got one another on a way I don’t know how to describe. She was so boy crazy, and I thought I could change her. I was so wrong and it tortured me near every day. She went from one guy to the next, in a way that made me think that she was so impartial to men that I had a chance. She would hold my hand, link arms with me, tell me all her secrets, and we slow danced once. When it was her and I, there was no one else. No one mattered to me when we’d watch movies in her basement. I laid in her arms and she held me under the blankets. She would squeeze me when something of note happened, or when she got happy when we talked. She made me feel. And that is a hard thing to do.

    Then I went away, I left Toronto and I met a girl or two. Fran came into my life first, I think she is one of the most beautiful people I have ever met, inside and out. When I first met her, I hated her and she hated me, we became friends instantly, I don’t remember how, or why, but I’m glad it happened. While I was away, I grew up, the five weeks I spent out there have shaped my life more so than the years that have passed. I grew up with Fran, We did everything together, and when she held my hand, I was on top of the world. She held my hand everywhere we went, so you can imagine how those five weeks felt. We did everything best friends do, I know everything about her, and on the last day, before we all had to leave, I wrote her a note. It said that I knew that I wasn’t the easiest person in the world to understand, and I vowed to let her in on every facet of my life, because I wanted her to be that intimate with me. I was willing to put everything on the line for her. I told her I loved her. I meant it. I kissed her. I meant it, too. But when she pulled away, I pretended like it was nothing. The pitter patter went away. I realized that I loved her, no matter if she didn’t love me, and it came back. I still consider her one of my best friends, even though we don’t talk like we used to. I know her better than anyone, and I get phone calls late at night from her, saying she can’t talk to anyone else about what’s just gone on. Even if I haven’t talked to her in months, I know her best. There was another girl at camp, she was the first girl who I really pursued, her name was Grace. We had no friends in common, she wasn’t my type, but she was gorgeous, and she was damaged, and she sparked my interest because she was just such a challenge. She was one of those people, that you can almost see the wall they put up for fear of being hurt. I loved her every flaw. She opened up to me, we walked through the woods together, and we talked candidly about anything and everything. I don’t know if I loved her, but I know that if she and I were to ever date, she would be the last girl I ever date.

    And now? Well, there’s not much to tell these days. now that I’m out, I’m a little bit frazzled. I don’t want to meet you in a bar, or at a dance party, or in a dimly lit room, a bottle of patron in both hands. I want to meet you in a coffee shop, I want to meet you at a poetry slam, or the gallery show, or in a tiny book store, while you take the last copy of exactly what I was looking for. But most of all, I want to meet you, and I want you to want to meet me too. I’m so tired of chasing people, hoping they’ll change for me, when such a huge part of me knows they’re not going to change.  I don’t talk about feeling often, truly, it is very hard to bring emotion out of me. I seal myself off in such a way that I am perfectly content in most every situation. I’m not afraid of dying, I’m not afraid of failure, I’m not afraid of rejection, I live in fear of nothing. I don’t know why that is, or if it’s normal, I just know that’s how I am. And that’s probably how I’ll always be.

I just changed all the names, and they’re in alphabetical, so no clues. And out of respect for my coming out story/dilemma, there are no ironic links or comical pictures, weird…


(First posted: 25/08/08)

“He’s taking Ryan to the prom”

I’ve never come out to my mom. She’s just one of those people that it’s better not to confront about these things, you know? There are always those inappropriate places to come out, like in church (because we all go there…?), at the Conservative party rally, in the presence of the old people who are too set in their ways to not belittle you, and in front of my mother.

    To be perfectly honest, I’m not too fond of her, and I know that’s probably a horrible thing to say about someone who brought me into this world, but she’s just such a closed-minded cunt sometimes. You see, prom is coming up, actually it’s tonight (I was planning on blogging about this earlier, but I didn’t want to go into overload), and my mom assumed I was going with my friend Matthew. I spend lots of time with him, and I suppose, in her increasingly desperate denial, she thought we were together or something. 

    “Who’s he going with?” she said to me in one of those motherly tones.

    “Ryan,” I said with the upmost confidence, “Matthew’s gay, Mom, sorry to disappoint.” She sat in the car frazzled for the remainder of our trip together. I am never at a shortage of gay male friends, and my mother is as homophobic as the day is long. If she can’t even accept that I associate with gay people, I don’t think she’ll ever accept me for who I am. 

    If she ever asked me if I were gay, I would tell her I was. But there’s no way I’m going to bring it up. The last time she and I had an argument in the car she drove at ridiculous speeds with the music blaring and almost got us killed. So I know better.

    On the upside, prom is tonight! I’m not all that excited because I was suckered into going by my friends, but I figure I’ll tough it out and such. I’m wearing a dress, too. And everyone knows how much I hate wearing dresses, thankfully Chloe, my volleyball-playing, dress-hating, friend will be there and we can stand awkwardly together.

    & just an update, Toronto Pride kicks off tomorrow, be there or be, a huge breeder? I’ll work on that.

(Originally written: 19/06/08)