Apocalypse now?

Well, it would seem like the whole world is falling apart, literally and figuratively speaking. This week we’ve seen Chile shaken to the ground, so much so that the days may be shorter. Seriously. Apple is laying down the law, slamming HTC with some patent lawsuits – but, I mean, the days aren’t getting any shorter because of that. And, most importantly, if you want to become a Canadian citizen you no longer have to hear about us pesky gays and our rights – wait a second, I think the earth just tilted again.

Yes, fellow sexual deviants, if you happen to be coming north (permanently, that is), you’ll find very little about us in “Discover Canada.” I think that the new immigrants will be in for quite a discovery when they read up about all that extra information, far more pertinent about that little factoid saying gays have equal rights, about army and aboriginal history, only to find themselves on Church St. when someone’s hosting a Village People theme night – Oh Canada.

"You know, I've read all about you people!"

Now, I was all for Canada updating the guide – it was from 1995, outdated, and probably gaudy. I am all for more Canadian history – I’m just not for more selective Canadian history.

I like gay people so much, I clean up the spare closet when they stay over at my place - they feel right at home.

Canada, well, actually we can put a face to this debacle, Jason Kenney (I’m about to tangent off, I don’t know where this sentence was going to go, but I’m sure it was going to be powerful, tear jerking, and brilliant… but I cannot remember what it was I was going to state, so this is all a little anti-climactic). The same Jason Kenney who said he was all for giving gays the right to marry, just as long as they married someone of the opposite sex. I think I’d like to nominate my 7″ of Olivia Newton John’s “Physical” to be the next minister of Citizenship and Immigration, firstly because it should get us back in the good books with the gays, based on camp value alone, and secondly, while “Physical” wasn’t a masterpiece, I’d rather have lines from that song quoted in the news media than Kenney.

Sidebar: I don’t usually go around writing douche on people’s photographs, actually, I rarely ever do. But if you’ll read the article linked to above, I hope you’ll think the douche banner was warranted here.

Lauren.

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Greetings from the back of the line!

My fellow sexual deviants, I come to you today because I have been gone for a little while now, and you are all probably wondering where I’ve gone. Well, it seems I have some variety of flu, and seeing as Canada is so ill prepared for an epidemic of the sort, I have not been blogging for fear that what I have is so contagious you can catch it simply by reading what I write.

Flu

You see, I did this for you.

Now, I know what you must be thinking…

“Do you still have this terrible plague-like disease preying on her defenseless vegan immune system?”

Well, yes, I do, which is why I am making this short and as quip-free as physically possible for someone of my maturity level in times of crisis.

I’ll be back as soon as I can, though, if things get tough I am going to become a suspected terrorist and “attack” the United States… they’re first in line, dontcha know.

Prop 8 loopholes

So, you live in California and you still can’t get married? Well, shucks! The Onion News Network (one of the many satirical news organizations which still happens to be more reputable than Fox) has just posted a video citing  the biggest gay marriage loophole since, well, Canada. Gender reassignment surgery! So grab your same sex partner and flip a coin, arm wrestle, or play Twister on acid (with a designated wet blanket to keep score) and figure out who’s turning their dick into a diane, and vice versa.