The perils of being all over the Internet

Bloggers are everywhere, whether or not people read those blogs remains to be seen. However, I often find that people who have blogs with someone reading that blog in question, have a readership of relatives and friends. Well, when I first started blogging, I thought people would be more worried about the random creeps (of course, none of you fall under the random creeps category, you’re more like “hot bitches with taste”) looking into my personal life, but that was not the case.

My dad found me on YouTube over Christmas and has made fun of me ever since. Sure, it’s jokingly, but he thinks I’m “too gay” on the Internet and that it will hurt my future. To that I say “bah!” and “well this advice came a little late”, the “don’t post videos about sex, of sex, or regarding your sexuality, on the Internet” talk should come right before the sex talk. Parents, put down your cucumbers and condoms, and pick up your keyboards, because your child could be an Internet menace, just like me!

Apart from my dad, there’s always the threat of my other family; especially if we’re talking about my bio-mom (my real mother being Pam). My mother apparently loves Google, but whether or not she’s ever had the brains to Google me, well, that remains to be seen. If she were to Google me, I’m sure she’d find very nice, rosey things, like my YouTube channel, this blog, my Twitter feed, my Identi, knowledge of my Internet activity on Identi, and sites I frequent on Delicious (not that I’m ever at my computer). My mother is too Christian, and I am too gay, which usually works out because I could just pull the “cut all ties” card, but my mother is Christian, mentally unstable, and violent; I occasionally hetero-it-up around her, it’s funny.

My friends have also expressed worry, some because I don’t blog enough (hi Zach!), some because I blog too much about too many “personal” things (this person will remain nameless), and some because I gratuitously link to anything remotely gay. Thankfully, I am about as personal as that darn pancake bunny when it comes to blogging (makes you want to keep reading, doesn’t it?). I will, however, start blogging more, I’ve just fallen off a bandwagon or two. Fret not, avid readers, I will be back and spunky in no time. Plus, lots is going on in my life, so, keep on coming back (and surprising me when you do).


This just in: every shot is a mug shot.


I'm on the right... I know, it's hard to tell

I'm on the right... I know, it's hard to tell

I cycled to school today, 7 km or so, plus lock up, plus carrying my bike down 2 flights of stairs, in 24 minutes. Not too shabby, considering all the lights, potholes, and the slightly uphill nature of the journey. And that being my first trip, I feel good about it. Ideally, I’d like to be able to do it all in 15, no problem. I’m sure when my fixie is built, I’ll shave off time due to the fact that it’s lightweight, I can trackstand instead of pulling the curb stand, and I have to continously pedal. 15 minutes on the hybrid, 12 on the fixie. That is my new goal.

    Now, onto more pressing matters. I’ve realized that I photograph poorly. If you’ve been following the blog recently, you know I was made fun of for the photo on my Concordia ID at the Bell store, and today I arrived at school four hours early, so I could pick up books and pass keys, make a dent in my homework, and find the bike racks. All of that was completed in no time, rest assured. But I digress, for my pass key, I needed to get yet another picture taken. Well, let’s just say it’s embarrassing. Okay, that is putting it lightly. I’m hoping you all follow BSNYC, and if you don’t let me inform you of something. BSNYC has something called the RTMS seal of approval. Which is this person’s, who’s name escapes me at the moment, mug shot. I look like him, only with less stubble, and with glasses. The resemblence is striking, which makes it all the more embarrassing. At least I’m not flirting with irony, because I have no pie plates on my bikes, so I guess I warrant the seal of approval. Maybe I will make my own seal of approval. 

    This blog does, in all honesty, need some spicing up. I mean, I’ve been telling you what I plan on doing everyday, and I know most of you either want to kill me, or you’re sitting outside of Brakeless in an unmarked car, reading The Gazette, and sipping poorly brewed drip coffee (but isn’t all drip coffee poorly brewed, I mean, let’s get honest here), waiting for me to finally arrive so you can mug me. I say that as if I have some sort of overly creepy readership. And I don’t mean to think less of you hardcore readers, who get emails when my blog is updated.

    You know who you are, I just like to think that someone out there is stalking me, and there will be some sort of crazy fixie vs Honda Civic chase through Chinatown in which I escape in the nick of time, and I laugh as the wind blows whatever hair may be peering out from my helmet at you sit frustrated at the red light. Actually, please stalk me, that would be awesome. If you have some big friends who are over 6’1, who want to dress in all black and jump out of alleys on the way, that would be awesome too. And if you happen to know a film crew, bring them too. I want that shit in HD. Who will care about Mash SF when they could watch me escape the blogosphere bad guys on my fixie conversion. Then I’d definitely have a Cadence sponsorship. And maybe I’d get a free Aerospoke or two… But I’m just thinking aloud here.

(First posted: 08/09/08)

So, maybe I ruled out this university thing prematurely.


Xan makes a cameo, and a very valid point.

Xan makes a cameo, and a very valid point.

It seems I missed two classes on Tuesday, who knew? Not I. But my prof emailed me the assignment, so I think things are going to be just fine. The assignment I received was actually exciting, we’re starting blogs. I know what you’re thinking, ‘don’t be so happy Lauren, I read this blog out of pity, or when I need to feel cooler than someone,’ while that may be true for 90% of you, whomever you may be, I think I’m getting the hang of this blogging thing. Plus I’m sure this class will improve my blogging skills, allowing me to be perceived as charismatic and interesting on paper. Exciting, right?

    Anyways, my four day weekend is in swing. Thus far I have ordered my Internet, and the modem is going to be mailed to me at the very latest on Monday. If only I knew where my mailbox was, I may have to do some hunting after this. My number will be changed hopefully today once my mom calls Bell and tells them that it is in fact my cell phone. I felt so stupid in the Bell store today, actually. You see, I only had an afternoon class yesterday, so I spent my morning hours drinking soy lattes and stealing internet from companies that are too lazy to encrypt their WiFi. Well, I drink 5 shot lattes, and after three of them, I went to get my ID card, complete with picture. Just so we’re on the same page there, that’s 15 shots of espresso and a whole load of soy milk. Needless to say, I look really “happy” in the picture, and Pierre, the salesperson helping me at Bell commented on it saying “I guess you’re really happy to be starting school, huh?” It was thoroughly embarrassing. That is the last time I try to not look entirely indifferent.

    As I sit right now, I am on a milk crate in the middle of my living room, because I’ve taken on a new  cleaning strategy for this place, in which I divide rooms into sections to clean, which I will do once weekly, or as needed. Man, I am so OCD when it comes to cleaning my living quarters. I’ve gone through a huge bottle of white vinegar, and this is my third time mopping and sweeping the floors here, and I only moved in on Monday.

    Okay, that patch of floor has dried, so I’m off to reorganize all my furniture again, clean some more, and repeat as necessary. I may have to clean the walls again, actually. Alright, I won’t bore you any longer.

(First posted: 04/09/08)