I’m a free bitch, baby.

Well, ladies and perverts, I am pooped. I know nobody says that anymore, but I legitimately do not have the energy to think up a wittier, more modern saying. Why is that the case, you may ask? Because, clearly, I have a very difficult life – filled with party after tireless party. I am pooped.

Last night was Jess’s Birthday Monster bash, and it was filled with impromptu Gaga dance parties, good food, wardrobe malfunctions, one dollar shots, and, as always, debauchery. I, for one, got all dolled. Ready for this?

Mix one part American Apparel model:

American Apparel ModelOne part cheap hooker:

Cheap HookerAnd two parts Lady Gaga:

Lady Gaga - TelephoneShake a little bit, actually, there was a lot of shaking going on – Combine and shake like Beyonce’s ass in Crazy in Love.

Et, viola!

Gaga'd

Oh Haii!

One will note the lack of shirt – this is not because I’m just getting ready, I just didn’t wear a shirt. I don’t think it’s a crime.

Anyway, I’m going to try to sleep of the after effects of my lifestyle.

Lauren

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The big 20.

Lauren Pettigrew's birthdayYikes.

Drunk face ensues?

It would seem I’m another year older, well, I was another year older two days ago – I’ve just now recovered from the unexpected festivities now. So, if you were wondering where I had wandered off to, your first (or second, if you’re a nice person, who, admittedly, doesn’t know me very well) instinct was right: I’d ended up overdressed at a bar. Thanks to my charms (or the fact that I know most everyone that works there) I escaped with not a single blemish on my credit card, at least not one from the bar.

I don’t want to make this into a journal entry, so I’ll leave you at that. Actually, one other thing – Jacob and I have reunited. That was my favourite birthday present.

Lauren.

Post-Party Monster depression

I’m a terrible movie watcher. Not so much because I can’t sit through one (although that is generally the case), but more so because I just never get around to watching them. Well, Monster Ball got me in the mood to watch Party Monster… what a gong show. Renee and I sat for a good hour and a half in Jesse’s bed, and I mean, it started off great. Parties, illicit substances, dress up; fantastic. Death, falling-outs, webs of lies? Not so much.

I left that movie quite depressed, and I don’t even do drugs, so it’s not like I was emotionally invested in any of the characters. I do, however, enjoy the odd dress up party. Odd in the sense of once in a while, as well as odd in the sense of extremely obscure. Not Eagle vs Shark. Before reaching the end, all I wanted to do was go to a big party; I even played Ladytron on loop for two days. That, friends, is commitment to a lifestyle that I don’t even lead. 

Speaking of parties, last night I ended up at 737. If you live in Montreal, it’s on the top floor of that building with the circling light. If you don’t live in Montreal, the club is right underneath a big light which scans the skies all night, just to clear that one up. Anyways, it was quite the night. Jesse’s friend’s sister’s birthday party… I think. 

The club was cheesy, really cheesy. It was bump and grind central, people did the Soulja Boy dance, and I got rip-roaringly drunk; as someone in my situation must. The situation in question has yet to really be discussed, that post may take me a couple of days to build up… the lesser situation is the fact that I was in a club that was packed with girls in polyester dresses that barely touch their thighs, and “men” with collared shirts underneath some brand-plastered t-shirt. i haven’t had my hand (et all) grabbed by so many men before in my entire life. The moral of the story is don’t go to 737, and don’t watch Party Monster before you plan on going to a rave. 

Life lessons, clearly this will help all of you in the future.

Reading week “hiatus-ish”

If I had any plans, you'd all be invited

If I had any plans, you'd all be invited

It’s reading week; and I know what you’re thinking… “CABO!” No? Shucks, and here I thought I knew my readership. All jokes aside, I’ve never done the whole “reading week” thing before. I hear that there may actually be some reading involved, but that may just be a nasty rumour. But I digress, again, my birthday is actually on the 23rd, so up until then I think my blog posts will be a little, um, sporadic? Because you know, I have to get ready; get my “hair did”, mani-pedi’s, botox, lypo… what else are all the kids doing these days?  Anyways, I will be back with daily updates on the 1st, kids. If I’m not back then, you’ll know I’ve missed a deadline or two. 

In the meantime, I have some blogs for you:

Slap Upside The Head: updated every Monday, Wednesday, Friday.

Dykes to Watch Out For: These comics are hilarious.

Viva-Radio: make your general vicitinity that much closer to being American Apparel