AfterEllen posted a brief, but still thoroughly amusing, piece on lesbian fashion and haircuts. Thank you, Emily Hartl, for bringing about the fact that bandanas which are not used as headbands (at the appropriate headband width) are bringing down the movement. If Harriet the Spy didn’t even do it, then neither should you.
I would like to add a few things to this list, while we’re talking about stereotypical lesbian dress/appearance.
First, wolf-howling-at-the-moon t shirts. This one explains itself, all you really need is to be at a drum circle now, with a not-so-ironic mullet.
Second, if you are one of those lovely ladies who wear boxers (hi, I’m Lauren, would you like another drink?), I am down with that. I am so down with that that I don’t mind seeing a little boxer now and then. But beyond a little bit of boxer, or a little bit of manties, I do not need to see your whole ass (that’s why I’m buying you a drink, silly!). So, I propose appropriate belting, because I do enjoy the slightly baggy skinny jean or straight leg on a woman; with a nice belt, you could do wonders. People knock the belt, but that’s because there was that terrible phase where they gave you canvas, or hemp, or something, put an o-ring on one end and sent you off on your way. Don’t do it, please. Please. No terrible belt buckles either, because those are just unflattering unless they are very witty. If they are very witty, I allow you to wear them once every two weeks, or once a month, but not every time you go to the same venue.
Do not attempt this, ever.
Finally, this is something which goes out to most everyone: poor dye jobs. If you are going to dye your hair, do it right. My short haired women, do not frost your tips, I know it’s tempting, but please don’t. If you are going to dye your short hair, do not attempt at-home highlights, you will look like a cheetah, and I will not buy you a drink (which clearly is the goal of every woman, and thus, a major deterrent). Women of all other hair lengths, don’t think you get off scott-free. No one, in my opinion, should be highlighting their hair at home, especially not alone. Highlights and lowlights, and god forbid, streaks, should, in my opinion, always be done by a professional. At least then you have someone to blame (unless of course you were talked into getting streaks, which is all your fault, honey). If you are going to dye your hair a bright colour, do it properly. Bleach first, dye next, and maintain, maintain, maintain. Pink hair is fine, if you keep it up. Pink-ish hair with black roots transitioning into orange-tinged bleach job? Not so sexy. So please, save up your pennies if you must, and go see a hair stylist who knows how to cut your hair. I, personally, learned this the hard way, when my hair became ridiculously curly, and my hairdresser had no idea how to cut hair, I was the whitest member of the Jackson 5, it was terrible. Find someone who can cut your hair type, knows the right cuts for face shape, and has an edge. It doesn’t have to be expensive, it just has to be done well.