Bisexuals vs Things which are Actually Embarrassing

ImageI’ll be the first to admin a slew of embarrassing things I’m fond of; I think One Direction songs are pretty darn catchy (So much so that I once tried to form an all-pastry chef cover band called One Confection. No one joined), I knit when I’m stressed, I almost exclusively clean my house to the Blackout album by Britney Spears (and I do it in heels, because I can), and I own a number of volumes of Carmen Electra’s Strip Tease, and one time I fell of a chair trying to do a number.

I openly admit to these things, even though I’m probably lame for doing them. But I do something else, something which I never thought to be particularly embarrassing, that, evidently, a large group of people are weary of – sometimes, I date bisexuals.

I’m not the patron saint of bisexual dating, because I used to be one the above people, and I’m here to apologize for being that way once upon a time.

Today I was catching up on an episode of Glee, and an interaction took place between Santana & Dani, in which Santana told her that her last relationship ended simply by saying “well, she was a bisexual.” No discussion afterwards, no eyebrows raised; that was the reason given.

If you are dating an openly bisexual person, and the relationship goes south, don’t say something like that. Don’t imply that their sexuality, which for the sake of this argument is one that both parties are aware of, ended the relationship. If a person leaves you for another person, well, that can be a heartbreaking situation, but if you say it’s because they’re bisexual, I immediately believe that you were the person in the wrong. If a bisexual person leaves you for a person of the opposite sex, I think that’s a perfectly natural thing. Don’t call them something terrible because of it.

I suppose what I’m trying to say is that we all need to be bigger people when we open our mouths, whether we’re hurting or not. And, furthermore, try to understand the person that you’re with, if you don’t, it’ll never work – no matter who or what they are, and you’ll learn the hard way like me.

I once dated someone, a very lovely, adorable, wildly attractive person a long time ago. When we started getting together, she was with a lovely, albeit awkward, sports-minded (and not the sports I most enjoy, namely polo, cycling, and badminton) gentleman who she eventually left for me. We had a fantastic time together, and I’m both pleased and disheartened to say I’ve grown so much since them, because while I tend to think of myself as a generally rather accepting person, I was not when it ended with them. You see, when she left her boyfriend, I convinced myself that I’d not only beaten him, but all men – at that particular period in time, I suppose I had. But when it ended, I was one of the people that turned around and said things about them being a bisexual, and I thought that was okay, because everyone laughed, or nodded, or what have you. The same people that helped me after that relationship ended up shaping the way I spoke about bisexual people, and I spoke that way until I was corrected during an unfortunate circumstance.

Since then, I’ve dated, fallen in love with, and seen a number of bisexual people, and I can safely say I don’t particularly care about the gender of who they’re with now. I can say this because I’m sure they’re not going in to the relationship with this other person because of me, possibly the exact opposite, actually. “I’m dating you because once I dated Lauren!” is not an interaction I imagine people have often, or ever, with their new love interest, because who I am, and my sexuality, has absolutely no bearing on theirs.

Now, let’s bring this back to the apology portion I mentioned above. I am sorry. I’m sorry for every time I made you out to be only your sexuality. I’m sorry for whipping my head around when someone yells “faggot” or “dyke” or “tranny”, but not when someone says something derogatory about bisexuals. And I’m sorry for not always being an ally in the past. I hope you’ll read this and accept my apology, even if you don’t sympathize with my actions, reactions, and inactions above. And if you’re reading this, and we were together and I said or did something to hurt you, I am deeply sorry.


Grand Gestures, and Other Things I’m Not Particularly Experienced In

I have someone I just can’t get off of my mind.

The rational part of me, the part that files my taxes and sends thank you letters, would really like for me to forget this person. When I think about them I can’t think about anything else and it’s seriously hampering my ability to, well, function.

I’ve had this feeling before, and when I think back to those people, the people I couldn’t distract myself from, my biggest regret is not showing how I feel adequately enough. Not showing up, not calling back, hiding from the same person I want to be closest to, because I’m a rational person. I think I’m finally, somehow, mature enough to make a seemingly stupid decision, if that makes sense.

I think I’m going to get on a plane. But, I don’t trust myself to get on the return flight, because the part of me that’s not rational – the part that sends flowers half way across the world, the part that plans terribly intricate dates with no regard for the repercussions, that part of me could take over… And I don’t know what happens after that, because I don’t let it happen.

I barely even know you. I’m starting to think I’m the crazy one in this, whatever this is.


Hello, again (…again)

NOW Magazine, Pride, PrideTO, Toronto Pride, Lauren Pettigrew, Lauren Pettigrew Online, Judy Virago, Gay, Model

Oh, hi – I didn’t see you there

In the absence of counseling sessions available to myself and all of you, due largely to space and lack of interest from the counselor community (who knew?), I’ve decided to try and reconcile our differences the old fashioned way – by writing about it blindly on the internet.

You’re probably wondering a couple of things right now – where have I been? why haven’t I called? when are we all going to get together and snapchat inappropriate photos of ourselves to eachother? I will answer each one in due time.

Since I last wrote you I’ve become a workaholic; making pastries, taking photos, generally neglecting anything in my life that doesn’t call more than 3 times in a row or supply me with the cash monies. What I’m trying to say, clearly, is pay up.

I’m kidding, kind of. But my work really has consumed me for the past two years, and I don’t think it’s particularly a bad thing. I’m a sometimes-mature grown up these days, and it’s nice, even if I do now live in a concrete-walled yuppie loft… There’s reliable air conditioning and this is my view of the city, so, I can’t complain, see!

Lauren Pettigrew, Lauren Pettigrew Online, Toronto, Canada, CN TowerWhen I haven’t been busy with my pastries, I’m really enjoying the modelling aspect of my life. Most recently, I was on the cover of NOW Magazine’s Pride Issue – apparently I’m now gay famous. Or Judy’s gay famous and I piggy backed her, and she piggy backed my genderless modelling street cred – it’s still being contested in certain circles. Before that I was flown down to Orlando for runway work last month, and it’s just photo shoot central over here. Tough life, right?

I can’t at this moment recall what else I have for you. So I’ll just have to update you as I go. Good session, kids. Same time next week?

Gay&Gorgeous: Tasha Tilberg

Tasha Tilberg - Alexander WangTasha Tilberg - Vivienne WestwoodTasha Tilberg(Gay&Gorgeous is an all photo segment profiling the most beautiful gays I know in three pictures. Check back every Monday for another post.)



Erin's Vagina Depot

File that under "Sweet Deal"

It was a sad day for me when I found out that Sarah Haskins was leaving InfoMania; I got a bottle of wine, a throw blanket, had a good cry, you know, like any normal human being. Sarah’s funny, smart, someone I’d sleep with, and once, I saw her on The Rachel Maddow show, so I couldn’t fault her in the least.

Then, a while after my bottle of wine was gone and I’d just gotten the smell of Merlot and crushed dreams out of my throw blanket, Erin Gibson came around with Modern Lady. I was shocked, kind of appalled, and probably on the verge of becoming a semi-functional alcoholic at the time, so I wasn’t really up on what was going on with her Infomania segment. Today, however, she lured me in the same way most women do, with the promise of something to do with vagina, and I have to say, I wasn’t disappointed.

I’m sorry, I didn’t warn you about the multiple uncomfortable commercials, did I? Well, hopefully it wasn’t too unbearable. And hey, think on the bright side, watching a clip selling vinegar & water douching products is, and I’m going to assume here, far more comfortable than actually using one. Yikes.