I like to think I know a thing or two about a a thing or two, sexual deviants. I know not to put my new red flannel shirt in with all my white wife beaters (okay, I don’t actually have that many wife beaters, but you get the idea). I know that putting a dome over an oil spill is kind of like putting an endangered species in a bubble so nothing can eat it. And I know that you really don’t want to fuck with Apple.
One of my favourite celesbians, Ellen, apparently hasn’t been keeping up on the fact that Apple protects its brand more diligently than I protect the good name of Tegan and Sara. She aired an spoof iPhone commercial the other day and Steve Jobs was, well, disappoint.
As someone who considers herself rather tech-savvy, I happen to have an iPhone, and, oh, does it ever make me happy. I can tell everyone where I am at all times, flood my Twitter, and thus my Facebook status updates with random, often times unwanted, witticisms – I can do most everything I want (except multi-task, but we all know that’s coming with the 4G/HD… eep!). Though, while we’re talking iPhones, I have some less exciting, more sobering news.
I think we all need to take a moment for Mark Woodland, who was killed on Saturday after arranging a date with a guy via a “social networking app” for gay men.
We should review some hard facts here: you’re probably gay. Right? Actually, you, whoever you are, are most likely gay, looking for pictures of lesbians, or someone who dislikes gay people for no apparent reason. I’m cool with the first group. Hell, I can even understand what the second group would be doing here – it’s not like I’ve never trolled the internet for pictures of lesbians only to stumble upon overly sarcastic bloggers handing out PSAs. But the last group I have a serious problem with, just as they have a serious problem with me: unfortunately, they can change their mindset to remedy the situation, I can’t change my orientation, and that seems to be something that is rather difficult to grasp for these people. You, gay haters, make me rather ill.
Now that I have that out of my system…ish, it’s time I leave you for now with a message: be careful out there, deviants. And remember, I love you all.