Medical dramas are everywhere… as are hot, bicurious-come-sweeps women. What happens when these ladies are out of their scrubs? Apparently they’re biting roses and seducing people with cameras (or blogs…).
Sandra Oh (Grey's Anatomy) is looking, well, I don't really need to say it, do I?
Olivia Wilde (House) seems to have, um, dropped something...
Jennifer Morrison (House) makes me a fan of vinyl again...
Katherine Moennig (Three Rivers) is the reason I'm doing this... but I hid her in the middle to confuse you ;)
At least that’s what Facebook tells me. You see, today while I was updating my phone number, I also updated my gender… kind of. You see, the gender with which I identify (neither solely male or female) was offered to me, so I just left it blank, apparently that wasn’t the thing to do.
I then received this lovely message on my News Feed telling me that I may be confusing people:
"No gender on Lauren's Facebook?! I'm so confused about life!"
Now, this to me is funny. Being someone of the genderqueer variety actually does confuse people, at least that is the look they give me when I notify them of the fact. So not only is this notice ignorant, it could also be seen as offensive. Thankfully for Facebook, I run a little blog that I’m sure no administrators read – though that last post about Tila coming out on Twitter was pretty darn good – so I don’t think they’ll be offended by the confusing sarcastic person any time soon.
The Internet thinks of me in a very odd light, I think. Facebook is confused by me, and I am confused, in turn by YouTube and their video suggestions… why do they think I want a Snuggie so badly? Maybe the Snuggie comes in gender neutral, so I can confuse people! Now that, would be sweet.
Regular posts coming back soon, thank you for being so patient… or distracting yourself the only way a sexual deviant knows how – knitting your own non-corporate Snuggie snugly blanket with arm holes, or course!
Just to clarify, I am not the "mama" in question...
I’m still sick, fellow sexual deviants, but I could not let this one slip through your fingers (pending they aren’t already in inappropriate places)… My good friend (and by “good friend” I am using the, uh, say-someone’s-your-good-friend-because-you-love-their-blog-in-hopes-they-love-you-back meaning) StuntDouble over at AfterEllen has taken Tila Tequila’s official-ish (does Twitter count as official?) coming out to a whole new level…
Here’s a couple exerpts, though you can read the whole post here!
My fellow sexual deviants, I come to you today because I have been gone for a little while now, and you are all probably wondering where I’ve gone. Well, it seems I have some variety of flu, and seeing as Canada is so ill prepared for an epidemic of the sort, I have not been blogging for fear that what I have is so contagious you can catch it simply by reading what I write.
You see, I did this for you.
Now, I know what you must be thinking…
“Do you still have this terrible plague-like disease preying on her defenseless vegan immune system?”
Well, yes, I do, which is why I am making this short and as quip-free as physically possible for someone of my maturity level in times of crisis.
I came across this article on PopUrls today, about scientists performing a form of sex changes on papayas… I know, I know, “how the hell do you come across this shit?!” I don’t know – but I’m passing it on to you. If you read the article that I’ll link to below, you’ll realise that if, for some reason or another, you’re reading this blog and happen to be afraid of hermaphrodites, well, you’ve eaten one or two in your lifetime.
What is a banana fight, you ask? Well, it’s pretty self explanitory on my end… Jesse and I were in the kitchen earlier tonight, err, when it was still night (I think), and I made the subtle “banana blow job signal” and a fight ensued when she told me, probably unintentionally to banana jizz in her eye. A full on banana fight ensued in my kitchen, and, after said fight, I now cannot move half my face in a societally acceptable way because I have banana residue all over it.
As I’m sure you all know, I’ve been scouring the wonderful world of Fail Blog etc, or Inc., or whatever, for a fair while now, attempting to bring you something that reminds me of the gays. In my line of unpaid, kind of read, work, I come across a lot of poor grammar and spelling (I Can Has Cheezburger is under the Fail Blog umbrella of websites), but nothing bothered me more than this lovely submission-to-be-voted-on for the news page.
Polititians? Really?
Now, I know I predicted the gay apocalypse the other day, but I have a feeling that I may have jinxed something and set the apocalyptic ball in motion. First Elton, now the (continuing) death of spelling.
Here, fellow sexual deviants, is the answer:
(I’m sorry that video was so creepy… I feel like I’ve fallen victim to mind control after watching it, actually… sorry)
As I am already a terrible blogger, I wouldn’t like to add terrible gay to my resume. In an effort to keep in the good gay books, also known as The Advocate, I was reading the first five or so pages of Perez Hilton, only to find out that Elton John has a bad case of E. Coli!
What!?
How is this possible?
All legitimate questions, fellow sexual deviants. Well, I think that it’s a bio-terrorist attack on the gays – put down your Figi, your vitamin water, and corporate lattes – they’re coming for us.
I do think there is salvation, however. As someone who is severely afraid of zombies, I am a self-proclaimed master of post-apocalyptic survival plans. First, if there is a bio-terrorist attack on the gays, we must abandon the corporate coffee giants in favour of kitschy coffee shops (I know we already have one, but we must resist the urge to get a corporate coffee on the way to the kitschy coffee shop, only to ditch it two blocks before you arrive to maintain your “street cred”). If you do not have a kitschy coffee shop, follow the nearest hipster to the coffee shop in question.
When it comes to water, drink tap. Firstly, it’s environmentally friendly. Secondly, no one is going to attack the tap water, assuming that only the gays drink tap. We are in a recession, and an environmental crisis, we’re all drinking tap – no demographic is exempt.
